This week was on the father heart of God. I totally thought that this week would be full of warm and fuzzy feelings. That it would be like sitting inside on a rainy day with a good book in front of the fire place. And I was super happy to think that feeling was coming. The weeks are good here, but they are intense (in a very good way), but I was looking forward to an easy week talking of God's love. Instead I got a very heavy, rude awakening.
This week all the DTS's were combined so we had about 70 people together. Weeks when we are combined are some of my favorite because even though we all live together and see each other daily, our days can get pretty busy and soon you find that you haven't talked to your friend in another DTS because you get busy. So weeks together are always fun and this week proved to be especially good.
Our speaker is from New Zealand and has an islander background. He reminded me of a big teddy bear. He is very funny and brought a certain kind of joy and light to the room. He started off the week fairly light and talked about how DTS is all about the heart. And how we have to get our hearts right before we can get the rest of us right.
Monday night for our weekly night lecture he started to go into detail about the heart. How the heart always remembers. Our minds may not remember a certain circumstance but our heart does. Our heart carries the wounds from life. Out of the heart flow, well, out of them flow everything. He talked about how our hearts remember and are wounded from life. These wounds usually don't get cleaned out or fixed which leave us wounded with scar tissue. The thing about scar tissue is that is stop growth of any kind in that area of life.
As soon as he said this I started to cry. For the first time I saw areas of my life I thought I had figured out and had dealt with were actually deeply scared. And I had just pushed these issues so far down that I could no longer feel them anymore, but I still had areas that I needed to work from it.
That night started the cry fest that happened daily with me. I realized areas in my life that I needed help in. I needed to get right. I have been hurt from people and when I thought I was dealing with that pain. Instead I was just pushing it farther down inside myself. So this week opened a lot of doors to who I am and what I have been experiencing for the last 21 years.
Although I cried everyday, they were tears of healing. And although they were painful they were good. And I have jumped huge steps in this past week.
One of the things we were learned is how we live in a fallen world and what that looks like. The fallen perspectives of femininity and masculinity. These ways have caused us to cause pain to others and to ourselves. Not living up to God's standards in situations and living by what the world deems to be right. We had application on this and there was a lot of crying and hugging. The guys stood in front of the girls and apologized for all the guys that have ever hurt us. As we sat there and cried and the guys stood in silence while our speaker spoke pain was being healed. The girls then went to pray for the boys, we prayed over (more like under since most of them are taller than us) them and prayed true masculinity into them. There were more tears then big hugs. Hugs that were so good. For me it was like hugging my brother and being able to feel safe by their side. They stood by us and helped us.
It was a good day. Afterwards we danced. It was great. We joked all week how application is usually on Friday, this week we got application everyday. Friday we did do application which consisted of a lot of dancing. We learned a couple of island dances and did a war haka as well. It was a week full of growth for me.
I learned so much about myself and my past. I had enough tears to fill a baby pool I'm sure. I loved every minute of it though. I had a painful, yet amazing week. It was good.
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